вторник, 14 июня 2016 г.


Drunk with the morning breeze, I soar uncontrollably along the thin line of the ocean. My body is no longer controlled by my mind, my soul has broken away from its prison; just when my feet touch soft warm sand, it brings me back to myself. The feeling of incredible ease has an anesthetic effect on me. There is no longer the reality that covered me up, warmed me up like an old woolen blanket, but at the same time hid me away from the world.
Now I feel completely free...

I am flying over the ocean. It is incredibly deserted, mysterious and not so perfectly azure, as I have imagined it before. To me it seems oily gray, cold, and, at the same time, familiar and friendly. I had never seen it like this in my life - it was only in my fantasies, artfully created by TV and photographs from glossy magazines. Perhaps in my distant dreams I already have been here, in this very place, where now I can actually touch it, enjoy its moist breath, its sandy outlines. Strange, wild and incoherent thoughts are swarming inside me, increasingly filling my mind, and the only sure way to get rid of them it is to slip off my dress and hide myself in its arms.

And I follow this desire. In one swift jerk, I rush into its dark alluring depth.

To my great surprise and delight, it takes me; gently caressing me with its waves, it carries me further and further away from the coast. With every step it is getting more and more difficult to reach the bottom with my toes. But I still feel a support underneath. So I still can come back and get to the beach!

And it gives me this opportunity, but do I want it? Will my acquaintance with it happen like this? What if I can not swim? What then? Should I just lie back and disappear, becoming a part of it?

My hands frantically slide on the cold water surface, as if in search of a life buoy.

My mind tells me - to learn how to swim, I have to give up to it completely, to merge with it. But how? Fear becomes stronger, it binds my body, it takes possession of my thoughts, and the ocean gets more and more frantic forcing me to its game.

Suddenly, somewhere from the depths of consciousness a little girl breaks into my mind. She stands on the bottom of a deep lake. I do not see her face. A column of green, muddy water hides it from me. On the shore I see people. They speak loudly, discuss something, laughing happily, just a few steps from her. The girl tries to rise to the surface. A jerk. Another one. Green water continues to pull her tiny body back. The last thing she sees is a haze of algae with the sludge sinking to the bottom and the muffled laughter of children above.

Suddenly, I see her face - and it seems familiar to me. Her large, glass-like eyes, almost lifeless at that moment, are still crying out for help.

With all my strength I pull my hand to her, clinging to her wrist with the tips of my fingers...
And now, two of us are swinging on the soft waves of the ocean. Again I look down to where only a moment ago this girl was standing. Suddenly, a lightning pierces my mind - I realize where I am. Fear binds my body. The whole my past life flashes like a midnight express through my head...
No! - my kaleidoscope of memories gets smashed to pieces.
With my legs petrified with fear, I kick and spring away from the bottom, and, like an arrow, piercing the leaden water column, I break out.
My ear-shredding scream is heard over the ocean.
Looking around in search of the girl, I realize that beside me there is no one in this silent desert...

Like a drop of rain, disobeying, I have left the thundercloud to merge with the ocean just for a moment... And once again I return to the sky...

I soar uncontrollably along the thin line of the ocean...

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